A Troubled Heart

Matthew 5-7

Every season of life has trials of their own. Right now our family is facing trials on many kinds. I just returned home last night not a moment too soon. I so enjoyed my time with my grandma and grandpa, mom, sister and brother and many nieces and nephews in Indiana. It was filled with sadness and joy.

I have a peace about my grandma that I didn't have when I left the last time. Truly, I don't think she will be much longer in this world, but soon will be in the sweet presence of Jesus. She told me when I went home for my Aunt Helen's funeral that she was jealous of her sisters that have gone before her. She told me she was ready to die. I know she is ready now that she knows her only love (my Grandpa Homer) knows the Lord.

Grandpa does not want to be without her....I can only imagine. The only way I can describe what this world will be like without Grandma Lakes is that a certain amount of joy will leave with her. This world will not be as bright as it once was to me without her. I am thankful for the remaining days she has left, and she could have many. Only the Lord knows the length of our days. I am so grateful for the many days and years I have had with this special lady.

Trials of many kinds awaited my return. It was hard to be away for many reasons. The routine of home life gives me so much strength that I don't even realize. I have time reading my Bible every morning. Time to talk with Jason and sort out many feelings and hurts. We have time counseling friends from church with the support of many around us in prayer. Hearing news from home without all this support was difficult. I felt that I was without my armour. Though I know the Lord was very present with me in Indiana, I felt ill equipped to support those hurting in my life without my daily time in the word. That said, it's good to be home.

When I feel out of sorts....like I certainly feel, I love to read the Sermon on the Mount. I read it on the plane home yesterday. I was overcome with peace. I love the direction it gives. It is clear, true direction for today. If this morning sickness would just pass. We have had a great morning catching up in school, even if I have the yucks.

I have also missed the great care of my husband. I know he must have been so tired. It didn't stop him from making me feel so missed and important. He and the girls made a lovely dinner, he gave me my nausea medicine and put me to bed. I don't deserve such a man! Thank you Jesus for not giving me what I deserve, but what your generous love had planned.