Monday, September 22, 2008

Jealousy

I envy my husband being able to eat. I envy others feeling normal. I am hungry and everything looks nasty, smells nasty, and feels bad inside of me. Not very much is coming out of me....which is mostly why I feel so badly. I don't sleep. I am being ultimately tested in the kindness department, and I'm not doing "everything without complaining or arguing." (Phillipians 2:14)

I am glad I am pregnant. I'm glad to know another child will enter the family. I love kids, but I'm not so great at this pregnancy stuff. I saw Amy Puller last night on the Emmy's and thought of how big I will shortly be. I want to cherish this last pregnancy....but is it okay that I'm not really having a good time yet? I'm not really a fan of perky people right now, or cheerleader types. Mostly, I am tired of being tired and sick. I want to be doing better at school with Ella. I want to enjoy the first day of Fall. I want to remember this so I won't do it again. I will happily adopt more children, but it is so hard taking good care of my children now, whilst feeling so badly.

Sorry you had to hear this.

3 comments:

Kathy Eller said...

I wont be perky..trying not to smile.

I know what you are saying I was there just a few weeks ago..it amy FEEL like forever but in the large scheme of things it really isnt that long and--YOU GET A BABY!! The hardest trial of pregnancy for me is feeling that I cant take proper care of my children and feeling that it isnt fair to them. But they too get a baby and a friend for eternity.

We had sooo many dishes tonight. I was up washing them tonight after everyone else was asleep. Weird thing was, I was thinking about and praying for you. Is that creepy when I don't even actually know you?

Mother of Many said...

No, I appreciate all prayers. I was up most of the night sick, and fretting, "Oh my I'm up...what will I do tomorrow sleepy?" Thank you for your kindness.

Katy said...

oh, i hear ya! Children are such a wonderful blessing...but I too had a tough time with the pregnancy part! Stick with it (as if you had any other choice) and know that in the scheme of your life...it is such a short time! xoxo

A place to find encouragement to love your little ones, your husbands and those you come in contact with daily. Two does not have to be terrible. These are years to grow not simply get through!