I do my very best to be transparent in my life, but when it really is a fear I stay silent. Then, I pray, and then I tell Jason to help me weed through the lies I'm hearing. Well, I've been plagued by my fears since Friday.
Last Friday, I took my girls to the Fall Festival at Ella's old school. We had a ball for $10. They put on a great party, and the girls came away with grins and giggles about the evening. They had a face painting artist. She was amazing. The girls tried to sleep in the stuff. Now we have messy sheet, and I swear it's still in Ella's eyebrows. No less, we had fun.
But the next morning after seeing all her old friends, Ella asked me if she could return to school. Gulp, double GULP. My heart broke, but I also wasn't surprised. I told her that we had decided to take education one year at a time. Then I began my fretting journey. Sunday night I had a text marathon with my friend, saying my fears, out loud....kind of, I suppose.
It really did make me realize that school has been something we get through lately. We cram all the subjects in before I'm so sick I can't function. That's not any fun! When I pictured this year it certainly isn't how it is actually going now. It caused me to really evaluate what I'm doing and how I can improve.
Here's what I came up with just quickly. Have fun, have fun, and take a break to have fun! Now that I'm feeling better, this gut check came at the perfect time. Personally, I have seen Ella blossom here at home, but the sting of old friends is a real one. So I'm on a mission to find a like-minded mommy here in town to play with through the week. Please pray with me to that end. I'm slowing down on the rush of school, and we are going to take our time and enjoy being here.
On the heals of this, yesterday, Jason came home for lunch. We all sat around the table to eat together with not one missing. I felt very thankful. Really, not only to be able to have dinner together but also lunch. It is truly a gift that may not always be here for our family.
So I've said it out loud. I want to do better, and I also understand where Ella is coming from. We love our CC group, but it's 40 minutes away and many of those families are too far for us to participate in the daily lives of one another.
Okay I'll stop my ramblings and fears. Off to ruin my children with school. Not really, but what are your mom fears?