In my family the constant question growing up was, "whose girl are you?" I always dreaded the answer. If I said mommy I knew I would be relentlessly tickled, and if I said daddy I would be relentlessly tickled. Because it was always my dad asking, and it was always my dad tickling. It is his language of love. It was his way of connecting or reconnecting with us as children.
But tonight as I lay in bed so very sad about my grandma. I would answer, I'm grandma's girl. My heart is heavy over her current situation. It has left me raw, edgy and distant. I am fighting being grumpy to those who love me. I want to love her as she loved me so well. I want to protect her and I want her back. I want to fight the ugly dementia that has robbed my grandma of her giggles and laughter. I want to be fishing with her at the farm. I want to eat an entire watermelon with her and a big salt shaker. I want to wake up to her table full of too much breakfast and her high pitched voice yelling, "Kara, breakfast is ready."
I want this blog to be about the many reasons why two year olds are not terrible! I want to encourage mothers of toddlers to embrace this season of life rather than get through it. I want to honor my grandma by teaching others to love kids the way she loved me as a child. I want to be to my children what she was to me. Constant, loving, generous without spoiling, tireless in the pursuit of fun, faithful, and a constant teacher. She taught me about big macs, fishing, star wars, and red light green light.
I have been grumpy this week trying to avoid how very sad I feel about grandma. Tomorrow I want to wake up and play like she played. Until our nails are dirty, our hair is tangled, and our bellies full from food, love and laughter. It's a morning to honor her and love my children.