Messy Messy!

i tell you what. Family is messy. Is it not? So, this Thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful for the messiness of my family. Norman Rockwell does not reside at my house. Martha Stewart forgot to show up....Unless we are talking about the Martha from the pokey...she can come.

The other day we had a young lady to dinner and she was lamenting the struggles of her family. She looked at Jason and I and said I'm sorry my family is such a mess. We literally laughed out loud. What this young lady didn't know is that both Jason and I daily deal with the messiness of our families. They just don't live here in our town, so it's not evident too everyone. But we enjoy daily drama comparable to daytime television.

I'm here to say I wouldn't trade it all for a neater, normal version. The lessons I've learned through the junk, sin, and sorrow of my family has shaped who I am today. And I love my family. I wouldn't trade a single one of them. I would trade some of their painful choices and Godless living, but trade them, never.

So this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for the mess of the Tippetts/Thewlies family. I'm thankful for the trials we are currently facing, I'm thankful for the crazy, the random, the painful, the hurt. May the trials ever point me to my perfect Father. I pray as you love your messy family today that your don't allow the mess to create a bitter, hardness of heart in your life. I pray that you would remember your own messiness and depravity showing your own hearts need for a saviour this holiday season.

Mooshy Heart

Can I tell you nothing, and I mean nothing, softens my heart quicker than a little boy trying his best not to cry. Today at CC (classical conversations) I spotted a little boy looking forlorn and broken. I sat down beside him to find out that his body parts for a big project were MIA. He turned his face away trying not to show his broken heart. If I could have, in that moment, I would have ripped out my own organs for his project. His bottom lip was quivering and he was desperate for me to stop being kind to him so he could go back to the hard work of not crying. It just about killed me. His sweet mom came and hug, hug, hugged him and explained what happened.

I tell you if I could bottle the sweet preciousness of a broken heart I would. I would wear it around my neck close to my heart. We all try our best to avoid pain and brokenness when it is usually just the thing we need to return to sweet communion with our Saviour. So often we walk around with hard, grumpy hearts trying not to show our bottom quivering lip. Brokenness is okay, who needs to have it all together? Not me, not in this season of my life. I just can't hold it in anymore. Come on tears!

Midnight Confessions of Not a Super Mom

Yes, it's late, no, I'm not sleeping. I'm awake, not sure why, but pondering all that I have to do and wondering if my plate isn't a bit too full. This all must sound very redundant and repetitive to all my readers.

This homeschooling thing is great and terrible, wonderful and exhausting, amazing and frustrating. It's what I've wanted and nothing I imagined. Mostly, I'm pregnant and tired, which, as you know, I didn't really factor into this year. Today I started Ella on a longish assignment and snuck into bed with Harper. What?

I read these blogs with women who have ten children, have a clean house, grind their own wheat for bread, and teach at home. Is a drug on the market I don't know about? How do they do it? I'm not sure that I can. Realizing this doesn't mean I'm a failure or that homeschooling is a terrible idea. I actually love it, but the limitations I foresee are in me. Tonight I'm realizing that maybe next year it may not be in the cards for this family. I have a little boy who needs time and patience to learn to talk and a new baby needing my whole being....in the middle of the night no less. I don't have family close willing to pitch in, and Jason does so much already. Tonight I'm ready to look at all our options.

So before I sneak off for a nap tomorrow, I'll be spending some time thinking about next year...maybe even next semester.

Praise Be!

Proverbs 11:21,24-25
The offspring of the righteous will be delivered.....One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

Ella and I read Proverbs 11 together and it was so full we could hardly pick a favorite verse to copy this morning for handwriting.

The good news for this cloudy, cold morning is that Harper Joy prayed to ask Jesus to come into her heart and forgive her of her sins last night with her daddy. I was busily working at CVS scouting out the deals, when a little voice called me. She said, "Mommy, I asked Jesus in my heart, I cleaned the playroom, and can we go to Dylan's house?" The mind of a four year old is something to behold.

The gospel is ever present in our home. We use several moments in our day to explain to our children their need for Christ, our need for Christ as parents, and the many other people in our lives need for Christ. When our child is disciplined we explain sin and how we all have a need for a saviour. If we simply addressed behavior in our children they would become legalist who have no need for a heart change, simply a Pharisee learning how to perform.

Harper has a lifetime to go to understand what she did last night. The Lord has begun a great work in her long before yesterday. She is a child of the Covenant and the rich blessings of the Lord will be with her throughout her days. Pray for her young heart that she would desire to be faithful to Christ, hate sin, and live in the freedom of knowing Jesus. Praise Be!

Puzzled!

How do you manage the puzzles in your home? I realize that my way is certainly not the best way to encourage actually doing the puzzles. That has now all changed. My sweet number three has found the puzzle stash in my antique cabinet, and he is adept at opening it. Puzzles now cover every surface of my home.

It seems like an exciting time in our home. But the mess is likely to set me over the edge. I certainly do not have a perfectly clean home. Messes abound in corners, on counters, in the laundry room, on bookshelves, and in not so secret drawers all through the house. But puzzle pieces...they make me nutty. I hate missing pieces to our puzzles. But this seems better, they are actually DOING the puzzles. Isn't that the point.

I need a better plan. Managing kids, puzzles, my own quirks and this home can be daunting.

Just one last random thought. Yesterday, in church, our pastor was expressing appreciation for Jason and his hard work passing his test. He mentioned all that Jason does and in his list he talked about how he is going to soon have a fourth child. I don't know why it struck me, but hearing that we will be having four children took my breath away. My body has certainly been telling me it's coming, but somehow yesterday...hearing it from the pulpit really struck me. I still haven't wrapped my mind around this addition. On that point, if anyone has any boy name suggestions...I'm all ears. Not that we think it is a boy....we just have many more ideas for girl names. Boy names are so hard. Especially if you want a unique name. And just to irritate you all, we never find out the sex of our babies. Especially you Autumn.

Who's Coming to Dinner

When is the last time you had someone to your house for dinner? What keeps you from opening your home to someone else? Have you ever thought of what you are missing by being isolated. Do you ever feel like you are lacking community, but you want someone else to fix it for you? Do you feel disconnected from your church family?

I think we can make many correlations from opening our homes to opening our hearts to others and Christ. I think many of us believe if I hide my cold, hard heart then no one will see it. If I shelter my pain, it will lessen. If I withdrawal from others they will see that I need someone to bring me out of myself.

I challenge you. Open your home. Not to impress....I actually challenge you not to impress anyone. Just open your home and consider being willing to be venerable about your struggles and strengths. No complaining about failures of others, just honest talk. No gossip.

Here is the question Jenny Gates asked me that always, always stopped me in my tracks and brought me instantly to tears. How is your heart? I have found it is a tough question to ask. It is a tough question to be asked, but isn't it our greatest need....to have our heart loved and cared for in a real way. More than what you put on the menu, be sure to ask the hard question. How is your heart? How can I encourage you today? Do you know you are loved today? How? Pass the salt.

So, grow your heart, make a pot of soup. Ask the person next to you at church if they could come by for lunch. If they can't, ask someone else. Tommorrow we are having a young college couple newly facing the challenges of love. I can hardly wait.

Miss Nasty

Oh, what a failure I am. Morning by morning new sins I enjoy. Morning by morning new ugly I see. Morning by morning....new Miss Nasty awakes. Okay, so it's Morning by morning new mercies I see. But I don't see them. I don't look for them. I get woken before 6a.m. and the depraved, ugly side of me rears it's head to my husband.

I'm embarrassed to say how badly I acted this morning toward Jason before he left for his very important final licensure test. I can write about it now because I have repented, my husband has forgiven me, and I am now holding myself accountable by sharing my ugly to my tens and tens of readers.

Jason was in a flurry of getting ready for the men's retreat, his final tests before presbytery, and his Friday morning Bible study. He hates getting ready in the morning without wearing shoes. We have hardwood floors. You get the picture. All I could lay there and think when I heard him busily getting ready, was not... get out of bed and help. Not.... make him a cup of coffee Not... get out of bed to pray with him. It was simply the selfish, angry, when are those loud shoes going to wake up Lake? And, doesn't he know I'm going to be here alone with the kids for two days?

You can imagine what happened. Lake awake....5:45a.m., mom mad, Jason stressed and wanting kindness....not a pretty picture, ey.

I called my good friend and confessed. She was great! She stopped me, prayed for Jason's difficult day, and we laughed a bit over my bad, embarrassing behavior. But, she made no excuses for it. Thank you Autumn. I then got off the phone, called and repented to my husband. Who, thankfully, forgave me.

I hate these lost opportunities to love our husbands well. They can be loud and goofy, but we are quiet and grumpy. I hate how I behaved, and want to better next time. Just because it's early and more difficult for me to be kind does not give me an excuse to forsake the high calling of "love is kind." It's in those difficult moments that love really counts, not when it is easy.

So, I blew it today, I pray that tomorrow when I wake up without the help of my husband, my heart will be kind to my household. Pray for me. I hope you have had victories of kindness today.