Midnight Confessions of Not a Super Mom

Yes, it's late, no, I'm not sleeping. I'm awake, not sure why, but pondering all that I have to do and wondering if my plate isn't a bit too full. This all must sound very redundant and repetitive to all my readers.

This homeschooling thing is great and terrible, wonderful and exhausting, amazing and frustrating. It's what I've wanted and nothing I imagined. Mostly, I'm pregnant and tired, which, as you know, I didn't really factor into this year. Today I started Ella on a longish assignment and snuck into bed with Harper. What?

I read these blogs with women who have ten children, have a clean house, grind their own wheat for bread, and teach at home. Is a drug on the market I don't know about? How do they do it? I'm not sure that I can. Realizing this doesn't mean I'm a failure or that homeschooling is a terrible idea. I actually love it, but the limitations I foresee are in me. Tonight I'm realizing that maybe next year it may not be in the cards for this family. I have a little boy who needs time and patience to learn to talk and a new baby needing my whole being....in the middle of the night no less. I don't have family close willing to pitch in, and Jason does so much already. Tonight I'm ready to look at all our options.

So before I sneak off for a nap tomorrow, I'll be spending some time thinking about next year...maybe even next semester.

Eleanor Grace

I have never had the perspective that any one form of education is better than another. So far, we have done private school, we are currently homeschooling, and see the prospect of public school to be a good option too. We have always said one year at a time. We prayerfully decide year by year. We try to be careful and prayerful about these decisions. They have not been easy, and no option is perfect this side of heaven.

Ella has missed her friends from school last year, but has also made new friendships that she enjoys. What I love most about this year is the nearness and time I have with Ella. She has grown in affection and gentleness. She has always been very kind hearted, but the time at home this year has certainly brought the two of us closer. We talked yesterday about how she prefers her school but really does like the time at home as a family. She said she would like to be at school, but would miss being here. Very mature. I understand. Change is hard for all of us.

During that conversation, I looked at her and told her my favorite part of teaching her is that I really like her. I do. I really like who she is as a person. I like who she is becoming. I like talking to her. I love hours of reading together. We cry about the same things. We talk about things that I find fascinating. She enjoys helping with her siblings and plays such creative games with them. And laugh, Ella has the BEST laugh. It is loud, high, and terrific. I can be three rooms away and hear it. My favorite is at night when she and her sister are in bed giggling from their room. It's music to my ears.

To sum this year up, it's been hard, it hasn't been all that I've expected it to be. But the time getting to know Ella in a new way has been priceless. She encourages me to want to be a better teacher. Most of all, I really, truly enjoy my daughter. Who knows what next year will hold, but this has been a worthy year learning about my daughter.