Miss Nasty

Oh, what a failure I am. Morning by morning new sins I enjoy. Morning by morning new ugly I see. Morning by morning....new Miss Nasty awakes. Okay, so it's Morning by morning new mercies I see. But I don't see them. I don't look for them. I get woken before 6a.m. and the depraved, ugly side of me rears it's head to my husband.

I'm embarrassed to say how badly I acted this morning toward Jason before he left for his very important final licensure test. I can write about it now because I have repented, my husband has forgiven me, and I am now holding myself accountable by sharing my ugly to my tens and tens of readers.

Jason was in a flurry of getting ready for the men's retreat, his final tests before presbytery, and his Friday morning Bible study. He hates getting ready in the morning without wearing shoes. We have hardwood floors. You get the picture. All I could lay there and think when I heard him busily getting ready, was not... get out of bed and help. Not.... make him a cup of coffee Not... get out of bed to pray with him. It was simply the selfish, angry, when are those loud shoes going to wake up Lake? And, doesn't he know I'm going to be here alone with the kids for two days?

You can imagine what happened. Lake awake....5:45a.m., mom mad, Jason stressed and wanting kindness....not a pretty picture, ey.

I called my good friend and confessed. She was great! She stopped me, prayed for Jason's difficult day, and we laughed a bit over my bad, embarrassing behavior. But, she made no excuses for it. Thank you Autumn. I then got off the phone, called and repented to my husband. Who, thankfully, forgave me.

I hate these lost opportunities to love our husbands well. They can be loud and goofy, but we are quiet and grumpy. I hate how I behaved, and want to better next time. Just because it's early and more difficult for me to be kind does not give me an excuse to forsake the high calling of "love is kind." It's in those difficult moments that love really counts, not when it is easy.

So, I blew it today, I pray that tomorrow when I wake up without the help of my husband, my heart will be kind to my household. Pray for me. I hope you have had victories of kindness today.

HE PASSED! PRAISE GOD!

I'm so very proud of my guy! He came home last night tired and wired. I'm sure as he deflates from the night more and more of the details of the two hour oral exam will come out, but last night was just for a quick process.

It was hard and he was nervous. I asked when he stopped being nervous. He said, "never." I can't even imagine such a test before such godly men. Thankfully, they were a gracious group. Joel Belz, the editor of World Magazine, was on the committee and offered real encouragement to Jason, as did all the men of the committee. Thank you.

When it was finished Jason said he felt like he did terrible. The men on the committee he was talking to said everyone feels like that. I know he did great. I'm so proud of him.

Jason, you wear so many hats, and you are so faithful. I'm so glad I'm on this journey with you. I know how hard you worked for this. The Lord's faithfulness to your call has strengthened my faith. I love you. I'm glad you chose me from "all the women in the world." That's what he tells the kids. hee,hee. Aren't I just the most blessed woman? I told Jason last night my blog is becoming an Ode to Jason. Thanks for your patience.

Tonight is the night!

Jason has worked hard at seminary for the past five years. Longer if you think of the time he spent in seminary in Colorado. Tonight he goes for a test before our credentials committee to take the licensure test. He has been studying so hard and working so hard to do well on this test. He decided to sit for the test with only three weeks to prepare, but he has been diligent for the past weeks preparing. That said, it is so much information that will be covered. He is humbled by the amount of material that will be covered. I am very proud of the hard work he has done, and we are both ready to be past tonight. Pass or fail we are ready for the next chapter. If he fails he will continue his studies and take the test again. If he passes he will be able to preach regularly.

His next huge obstacle will be ordination. He will be graduated and sitting for the ordination examination May 2010. Almost seven years in the works. Jason I'm very proud of your hard work. You are a faithful man. You never sacrificed your family with all the responsibilities you carry. No matter the outcome, I'm very thankful for you. I love you!

Busy Weekend

Some weekends are mellow, but rarely. This was a particularly busy weekend. With a wedding, 50th wedding anniversary and church, we felt very busy. It is always a joy to celebrate unions, new and old, but this morning Jason and I stayed in bed trying to prolong the weekend....if only for a moment. The kids were ready for breakfast, school was calling me to get started, and the coffee needed to be made, but we stalled. Jason even got up, poured the cereal and jumped back under the covers. Which I'll tell you, never, never happens. He must be tired.

Jason is under a lot of strain the next couple of weeks. He's finishing up a difficult Hebrew 2 class, and he's studying for a licensure test in our Western Carolina Presbytery. He's a bit overwhelmed. I'm not sure how he gets out of bed at all. When my plate feels too full I tend to shut down.

What I love, love, love about this morning, it's finally cold like Fall is supposed to be. Our heat actually kicked on this morning. The leaves are amazing, and the chill finally arrived! I did not like the 80 heat wave that passed through here. This morning I told Harper that she had to put on jeans. She came in with a pair of capri's on that I hadn't ever seen. They were cute on her. Then I realized they are her little brothers 18 month old jeans. Funny thing, they fit. She's so tiny. I'm not willing to fight the battle. Baby jeans it is today.

Enjoy your beautiful day. I hope it's chilly where you live.

Bed Hog

Really, I don't know how he does it. The patience of my husband astounds me every morning. He doesn't get ruffled, he likes his routine, but isn't bound by it, and he makes time for what is important. And to him, a lot is important. So I do not know where his reserves of energy come from, but I would sure like them.

Last night was a rare night of sleep where Lake didn't wake us up feeling badly and I didn't have to get out of bed to go to the bathroom.....major drawback from pregnancy. So, it was our first full night of sleep.

Have you ever had a night where you wake up and feel like you didn't move once through the night? You have a weird soreness from unmoved muscles? Well, this morning I woke up refreshed and a bit sore from realizing I hadn't moved all night. Then I looked around...Jason was already in the shower, but as I surveyed the bed, I was smack dab in the middle. Oops. When Jason came in from the shower I asked him if this is where I was all night. He looked down and said, "yes, that looks about right."

Hmm, I'm a hog, living with a patient turtle. He sleeps comfortably in whatever shell he's provided with....no complaints. Well, none out loud anyway. I don't know his quiet prayers. Then this morning after I realized my hogness, all the kids slowly made their way to my bed. One went to one side and the other went to the other side, as if they knew I was ruler of the middle. Jason then brought me Lake and we all giggled and snuggled and told stories with morning breath and sleepy eyes. With this new baby, we may need a king sized bed....but I'll still be sleeping right next to my man. What would happen with all that wasted space? Maybe not, maybe we should move back to a full. Who needs space when you live in tight quarters with a saint?!

I figured it out! I think...

Proverbs 27:15,16

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand.

These verses make me laugh every time I read them. Proverbs are full of, well proverbs, about arguementative wives. When Jason and I are in a season of frustration I have asked him if he'd rather sleep on the corner of the roof. Humor is normally the thing that breaks Jason and I out of our funk. Not that these proverbs are jokes, but they do strike me as funny.

This weekend we helped with another beautiful wedding. Ella did great as a flower girl...she's a pro these days. Last night I heard the bride and groom missed the boat for the cruise. I felt so very sad for them, but then I thought of the reality of marriage they are very quickly facing. He is quickly learning the huge range of emotions his wife can express, in a minute.

I remember my first years of marriage. Though they were sweet in many ways, I don't wish to return to them. I am embarrassed by my own selfish behaviors, and I am grateful for the mentors that called me out. I can't even imagine what I'll think of myself ten years from now. I'm so thankful the Lord isn't through with me yet.

So I think I have the picture thing figured out! Let's see....So I can't figure out captions, and I need to stop messing and get to my laundry. So above you will see my Grandpa Homer, my girls and my guys. Sorry, no messy house pictures. It's all picked up now. Even my windows were cleaned. Thanks Jason! I love you.

Making it through long weeks

Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

For the past five years, every July my husband spends seven days away from the family in Florida taking the youth of our church on a retreat. I know I may sound lame, but it is always a challenging week. I realize some of you have husbands who travel weekly throughout the year. Today, Jason comes HOME!

I turned a corner this year. Though I was busier than I normally am when he's gone, my attitude was much changed. Like I said before, I overbooked this week, but, my attitude was still my responsibility. I really wanted to honor my husband and the Lord by taking loving care of the kids even in my exhaustion.

In my head, (and sometimes out loud), I would say I have exactly the amount of energy to get through bedtime tonight. I may fall asleep one minute after the kids, but I can make it to that minute after bedtime. I continually prayed for dependency on the Lord's supply for my energy and the fruit of the Spirit to show in my life.

When the tests came and the entire camp of children decided to mutiny and not sleep. I was especially dependant. They were keenly missing daddy by day three and me being harsh would not bring sleep any quicker. I certainly failed, but when I reminded myself of the energy being there. I would do much better. The supply of God's grace is often there, but I'm so busy grumbling and complaining that I don't pull from those reserves.

In ministry, Jason will be pulled away at some of the worst times. I could encourage bitterness in my kids by complaining or use it as an opportunity to love on the person in need he is attending. As a family, we can take time to pray for the need he is attending to in our community. If I were in need, I would want the kind words of Jason if I were in the hospital. I can't be selfish with his love.

He is also careful to protect his time for our family. I must also carefully protect my children's high opinion of their father. If I don't feel like our family time is being protected then I need to take that up with Jason away from the children.

I have a friend whose husband is an OB. She is very careful not to grumble when he is called away. Ladies, you know what crazy times these babies decide to show up. But she honors her husband with loving words in his absense. How do you encourage your families when dad is called away?