Job Description

After a long weekend, Jason and I had a fun day planned. The kids were all well taken care of and we were going to spend the day at the Biltmore Estate together. The weekend was so busy I hadn't spent a lot of time looking forward to it, but when this morning rolled around I was tickled to be getting away with the one I love best.

On our way to dropping off the little ones with friends, we turned a corner, and Story turned her stomach. And big brother, being a sympathetic one, he joined her in relieving himself of his breakfast. Jason and I looked at each other, smiled and turned the car around. Some things just don't need to be talked about. We know our job and we love it.

Home now, it seems we had a case of too much dairy for breakfast paired with a long car trip dropping off siblings at school spelled disaster for my carsick prone babies. But you know what, this is the day I prefer. This is my job.. And what a great job it is!

I'm blessed to be the:

best lap in the house
one who knows just where to put a kiss
cleaner of vomit
the buyer of treats for the sick
the reader of books
the one who will believe your made up hurt so you can sport a cool new band-aid
turn the music loud for a dance party
let you stick your arm down my shirt (you know who you are little baby girl)
know when your heart is hurting and encourage your tears
wash your clothes
wash your face
who daily demonstrates and shows you how much I love your daddy
cook your favorite meal
who will apologize when I'm struggling with kindness
who will confront you lovingly when your are struggling with kindness
will join you in prayer for a farm
sweep under your chair and wonder if any made it in your mouth
I'm the one the Lord chose to be a steward of your heart, to point you to Him, to show you tangible acts of His love, to read you His instruction, to be with you when you want me, and to be with you when you don't want me. I get to be the constant presence in your lives little ones until the Lord decides otherwise.
IT IS THE VERY BEST JOB IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!! There is no amount of money that could be offered to me to cause me to want to be anything else!!

Joy, I have decided to find you today. To find you everyday. The more I look the easier it is to find you. And where I find you in the nooks and cranies of my day, behind it, I find my heart thankful. Unbelieveably thankful... Grumpy, you are not welcome. Sorry, I'm just not going to feed you lunch today.

New Toy

Jason and I recently entered into a big debate over our phones. It took me forever to commit to what I wanted. I'm talking about our phone plans. Jason for years passed up his upgrades and stuck with his ghetto little phone. We called it his toy phone. I basically went through the same phone three different times. My phones didn't really have a chance. So when the new iphone came out, well, I had played with my sister's phone in Napa. It was fun, but I wasn't sure I wanted one. Then we realized we would get it really inexpensively. Then my phone bit the dust. Well, we canceled our house phone and I signed up for a new fancy phone. I tell you it was worth it for the pictures alone. I'm a fan of the camera! Big fan. Jason had to convince me, but I'm so glad he did! So here is a little sampling of my toy.

Lakeism

Lake: "Mom, I ate the sea weed in my pasta."
Me: "that was spinach son."

Favorite Bagger

I love a small town, and I particularly love the daytime bagger at my local grocers. He always insists on helping me outside with my groceries, and some days he adds a little off color joke to the mix. Sometimes they are off color in a way that gets my blood flowing and upset, but I love Mr Larry. I love him. He's gentle and funny, and reminds me of Jimmy Durante. He is light hearted and full of mischievous smiles.

Well, today, I just happened to have extra time waiting for something. I turned to Larry and said how are you today Mr Larry? His jovial smile was gone, he turned to me and said, "sad, I lost my wife two weeks ago, and I'm terribly lonely. I know she's better now, but I miss her."

I gathered my groceries, said a prayer, and left. My heart ached for Mr Larry, but I was also struck by something. His frank venerability. He didn't wait a year to show me his heart, I didn't have to go through a battery of trust tests to learn his grief, he simply gave me the gift of his hurt. I felt extremely grateful.

Some people are so hard edged and mistrusting. I understand, I struggle wanting to be that way, but the gift of transparent living is just that living. I feel more connected to Larry, more curious about his heart, at the ready to be praying for him. Why? Because he showed himself. He was venerable. What a precious gift given to a stranger.

Why fake happy when we face hurts of a thousand kinds? Why not love your nearest neighbor enough to speak from your heart?

Too Much Information

We have a few children who have struggled in the big potty department. I was a bit anal retentive as a child, so I work to be very patient with my children. But big potty issues are a big deal. I have noticed many of my friends face problems with big potty with their children, but you rarely hear about it. Either a child will refuse to go, or they go in their pants, or they use it as a place for control. Our issues have never been severe, but as a mama, I feel it's my job to keep up with my kids in the output department.

Well, a funny thing has recently happened with sweet baby number four, and I'm sure when she grows and reads this she will need therapy that I'm writing this. It's just too cute not share.

In an effort to take away any stigma from big potty being bad. Whenever I change a diaper, I kept noticing the elder siblings in the room were turning up their noses at her. Sometimes making little stinky comments. I don't blame them, big potty stinks.

Well, I started cheering every time Story would have a big potty. A great big HOORAY STORY, POOPY!!! Well lately, I will be working somewhere in the house, and I will hear suddenly hear Story let out a great big HOORAY and clap! I know then she has done her business. Now if that isn't just too cute, I don't know what is?

We should all cheer on our big potty! It would make this world a little more friendly.

Joy Teacher

Matthew 18:1-5
At the time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

These verses have always reminded me of my grandmother. She had a childlike love, not a childish love, but one that was full of joy. As I grew older, and learned of the suffering she faced in her life, I wondered at the joy she exhibited so freely. I know now it was grace, but then, it was a wonder to behold. I admired my grandma, I wanted to grow up to be like her; I wanted to laugh hard like she did.

After I had my last baby, my grandma had declined very much, but I knew her favorite thing was a baby. I asked Jason to leave me alone with grandma and bring the big kids later. I placed Story Jane on her lap and her eyes just grew in delight. She did what she always did with each of my babies, she clucked her tongue at her. She looked at her and said, "Mercy, mercy, mercy." And later an assistant asked grandma what she thought, she simply said, "wonderful."

I have a growing list of people I feel like I don't deserve to know. That the knowing of the person is pure grace alone. She was the first one on that list. She taught me the importance of seeking after that deep belly laugh in my day. She taught me to play to utter exhaustion, and she taught me about pudding pops. And the moment I met Christ, I immediately knew that was what made my grandma different. She showed me Christ for years without ever mentioning His name. She didn't need to.

This Blessed Day

There is joy in today, and I have decided to look for it.
Joy in a lunch with a friend who shares a love of Indian food and Jesus
Joy when my first born woke up and leaned over to give me a kiss without being asked
Joy taking the shirt off my baby and seeing her little arms rise up to help me
Joy in a bathtub full of my babies, that is dirty with the fun of their day
Joy in watching a little naked cutie toot running to a bath with her sister
Joy driving down the road, looking back and seeing my son looking through binoculars
Joy stopping the car and the kids asking to stay, to finish the praise song we were singing
Joy when my daughter says, "Mom thanks for the ice cream treat, this was really fun."
Joy in really having fun in the moment
May I live in the love that is mine today!
Joy that is ours in the midst of struggle as Christ abides in our mundane moments of today.
Added pictures from two years ago, to remind me how time is constant; I want my time to be spent in the presence of Christ, seeking the grace for each and every moment.

Death by Ministry be Eugene Cho

Is pastoral ministry a dangerous profession? Eugene Cho shares the facts.
Several years ago, I spent several hours per week doing research (and meeting with other pastors) about pastoral health and vitality for my denomination.

I chose to spend some time doing that for selfish reasons. I was and am still learning how to take better care of myself in ministry (as evidenced by the scary picture above) – while completely acknowledging that sometimes, it’s not supposed to feel right. We all know that work…well…is supposed to be laborious. And those in ministry know that ministry in itself is difficult. There’s no way to get around it, but…

What I learned was pretty shocking and heartbreaking, but one of the conclusions I came to was that as ministry leaders, pastors, and other pursuers of God’s work, it helps to understand some of the challenges ahead and to be proactive rather than reactive.

Yesterday, I posted Part I of this post entitled, Why Is Being a Pastor So Unhealthy. The reasons are complex, and I’ll acknowledge that when one looks for “doom and gloom,” you’ll find some discouraging things. I can focus an entry purely on the joys and blessings of pastoral ministry and feel confident I can write a compelling piece. But these statistics (and stories that many of us are aware of) and our personal stories are hard to ignore. 

Here’s a summary of what I learned and shared:

There are varying reports from different sources, but I believe most will agree that the ministerial profession (life as pastors) is now considered one of the most dangerous or unhealthiest professions. It’s usually rated last or second to last. Read this from a local Northwest minister, Mark, on a comment on an earlier post:

“At the first church I served, we had an insurance agent who was a member of the congregation. When I went to see him about some auto insurance needs, he said 'Hey, wanna see something that will scare the crap out of you?'…He pulled out a form that had various professions rated for their risk of giving life insurance policies to…Anyway, to make a lengthening story shorter, he showed me that clergy members were in the same category as Deep Sea Welders and Loggers as the second highest risk group to give life insurance policies to. We were behind crab fishermen but ahead of munitions workers.

It was a little disturbing to know that statistically I was gonna die due to my profession before someone who builds explosives. This was back in 1994; the statistics may be better (or worse) now.”

If you don’t believe the above comment, read some of these statistics:

Forty-eight percent of them think their work is hazardous to their family’s well being. Another 45.5% will experience burnout or depression that will make them leave their jobs. And 70% say their self-esteem is lower now than when they started their position. They have the 2nd highest divorce rate among professions. Who are they? They are pastors. Here are some more overwhelming statistics from this article.

80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with spouse and that ministry has a negative effect on their family.
40% report a serious conflict with a parishioner once a month.
33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.
75% report they’ve had a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
58% of pastors indicate that their spouse needs to work either part time or full time to supplement the family income.
56% of pastors’ wives say they have no close friends.
Pastors who work fewer than 50 hrs per week are 35% more likely to be terminated.
40% of pastors considered leaving the pastorate in the past three months.
Feeling dizzy? Take a breath. Here are some more statistics:

Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
Fifty percent of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce.
Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons. [compiled by Darrin Patrick]
While I love being a pastor and even more, being called to be a pastor, I want folks to know how incredibly difficult it is at times to handle the complexities and stress of being a minister. Finally, at the age of 39, I feel more at peace at how to create boundaries, love my church, better care for my wife and children, support my fellow staff, handle criticism, etc. but there are times, I feel clueless and overwhelmed. I’ve been having occasional visitors from a blog started by and for pastors’ wives [couldn't find one for pastors' husbands]. Some of their comments have been difficult to read because they hit so close to home. I will not post a link to their blog here, but here are two comments:

“Oh, and the financial part is tough. We live on poverty level. I don’t know how we are going to pay all the bills sometimes, much less buy groceries. The Lord always comes through, though, and on a really tough week, someone in the church will anonymously give us a gift. We have no in between at our church. It’s either people trying to help us out (it’s all there what we make each week – in black and white), or it’s people that have this attitude - ‘Pastors are supposed to suffer and sacrifice. It’s part of the job.’ Has anyone else noticed that mentality? I don’t know where it comes from, and it is one of my biggest pet peeves. Pastors aren’t supposed to drive nice cars, have nice houses, or buy new clothes. And we are always supposed to be worried about making ends meet - I wonder if it is just half of my church that thinks that way.”

Here’s the second comment:

“Today my son approached my husband and randomly said, 'I guess you’re going back to church now.' And he wasn’t going anywhere! During seminary, he would walk around the house saying, 'Bye bye, Daddy. Bye bye, daddy!' So sad, but very true. It’s definitely a calling, isn’t it? I told my husband the other day: 'In my classes that I took to prepare me to be a minister’s wife, they told me over and over again, ‘it is the loneliest job in the world,’ but I never realized it until we were in the role…'"

While I feel solid support from my staff, my elder board, and the church as a whole, I know that many of my peers do not feel this way.

Simply, pastors are often underpaid, underappreciated, and at times, undermined.

There is strain on their marriages and families. Two other incredibly real factors that add complexities to the ministerial calling are: 1) the cultural complexity and dynamic of the 21st century and 2) the nebulous but real nature of the spiritual realm and battle. The reality is that being a pastor is not just merely a job nor should it be one. Ministry is a calling. It’s both amazing and incredibly difficult. While it isn’t my desire to overdramatize the significance of ministry, I do believe that the Evil One seeks to impede and harm the work that is to take place through ministers and pastors.

As for the “cultural complexity of the 21st century,” I think this quote captures my sentiment:

“My viewpoint tends to be more organizational, so my take on being a pastor is that it is an impossible job. Here you are asked to be the lead preacher and teacher, available for counseling sessions, leading a staff of people that can span such responsibilities as missions and janitorial, serving as the public face for your organization in the community, networking with other leaders at Christian conferences and denominational gatherings. That’s a lot of hats!…Let’s finally consider the financial issues. I don’t believe pastors are paid very well, so that’s obviously a downer. And if you are paid well, and sometimes even if you aren’t, that has its own issues, for congregants can quite easily feel they own you, since they’re paying your way. What other organization is the person at top in such an awkward financial relationship with his or her co-workers and clients?” [h/t Lee H]

My point is very simple:

Please care, pray, and love your pastors (and church staff) in your churches.

Seriously, give them a nice pay raise, more time off, regular opportunities to get away for even a day retreat to pray, buy them some dinner certificates, honor their spouses, love their children, pray for them, and regularly share your appreciation and affirmation.

Now, I know that this can easily be intended to perpetuate the victim language or mentality, but it’s a two-way street. Churches must seek to honor and care for their pastors and staff and build healthy structures to ensure such care. Similarly, pastors and their families must make choices to be holistically healthy! We must rest, Sabbath, enjoy God, love the Scriptures not simply for the sake of sermon preparations, be in deep friendships and community, exercise, work on our jump shot, continue to be a reader and learner, love and honor our spouses, nurture our children, laugh and have fun, eat healthy and drink good refreshments [use your imagination here], examine and repent of any possible addictions, and [add your contribution here].

We need to lean on God, stop our self-sufficiency, and repent of the idolatry to please all those around us. Easier said than done, but it needs to begin somewhere. Why not now?

Some good news:

Despite the intense nature of pastoral ministry, it is also immensely fulfilling. Huh? It makes total sense to me. According to a recent survey, the top five professions are clergy, physical therapists, firefighters, education administrators, and painters/sculptors:

Clergy ranked by far the most satisfied and the most generally happy of 198 occupations. Eighty-seven percent of clergy said they were “very satisfied” with their work, compared with an average 47 percent for all workers. Sixty-seven percent reported being “very happy,” compared with an average 33 percent for all workers. Jackson Carroll, Williams professor emeritus of religion and society at Duke Divinity School, found similarly high satisfaction when he studied Protestant and Catholic clergy, despite relatively modest salaries and long hours.

“They look at their occupation as a calling,” Carroll said. “A pastor does get called on to enter into some of the deepest moments of a person’s life, celebrating a birth and sitting with people at times of illness or death. There’s a lot of fulfillment.” [read the entire article]

So while pastoral ministry is at times exhausting, draining, depressing, and overwhelming, it’s also meaningful and fulfilling.

May God grant you grace, courage, and strength.

God bless you pastors. God bless your spouses and your children. May you bless your flock and may you be blessed by them. And together, may you bless the Lord as you seek to bless His creation.

Eugene Cho is the co-founder (with his wife) and executive director of One Day’s Wages—“a movement of People, Stories, and Actions to alleviate extreme global poverty.” He is also the founding and lead pastor of Quest Church and the founder and executive director of Q Cafe—a non-profit community cafe and music venue in Seattle. Eugene is considered one of the prominent bloggers on issues of justice, faith, ministry and utilizing social media for good. You can follow him via his blog or Twitter.

More from Eugene Cho.

 


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Ironic

The best dad I know, who happens to live in my home, went to a parenting class today. It seemed ironic, but then again, what makes him great is that he is constantly growing.

Today, Ella's school had a class to make a craft for daddies and daughters. For Jason, it was time to spend with his firstborn. Jason loves his children with intentional love, taking time with each to make them know how special and important they are. I often see him holding one of our four kids and speaking truth to them. Truth of his love for them, but more importantly the love of their eternal Father.

The other day, he had to do some hard loving to a child who needed correction. That evening as we were praying as a family, I heard to new soft heart of my child, asking the Lord to give her a heart that would be willing to repent. A heart that understood God's great love, and that she would desire to obey. Her voice was soft and sweet, longing to know what was right in her life. She had not been pushed away and made to feel shame in the correction of her daddy, but rather, drawn close and loved extravagantly. Certainly, their were tears, but there was also much love and grace present.

The Lord loves us like that. He draws us to Himself, corrects us, and then fills the emptiness that was once unrepented sin, with the goodness of Himself. May we all seek a soft heart today. May we all have a heart that longs to grow and be teachable.

Faith

"Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief. Faith is believing an unshakable God when everything in me trembles and quakes....Beth Moore

The story that is presented in Mark 9 of the boy with an unclean spirit really strikes me as important. The father was desperate to save his son. You can hear the agony as he describes the pain his son has endured at the hand of the spirit. He is at the end of himself. The disciples could not help him, and now the father is speaking directly to Jesus. He's hurting, at his end, and begging for a solution. The father looks at him and says, "But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus said to him, "If you can! All things are possible for one who believes." Then the father cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief."

I love how Jesus has compassion on this man. The humility in this man comforts me immensely. I love the honesty of his weakness and the compassion of the response and the healing of the son. So often humble weakness is seen as that, weakness, but truly, in our weakness we seek the Lord for strength. I know that it is the Lord alone that can apply faith in my life. I know I can only face my unbelief with the compassion of Christ. It is His love that reveals to me daily my need and weakness, and by His grace I am granted faith. Faith to face hard things armed with grace to do what is right.

Heal me today of my unbelief Lord, and help me to see where you can do immensely more than we can think or imagine.

Good Morning Jesus

My sweet youngest woke me up early wanting her mama to warm her cold feet. Like me, she gets in bed and promptly takes off her socks at night. Like me, when they are cold, she requires someone to warm them for her. Thus, sweet chubby baby feet on me at four thirty this morning. Feet warmed, she out and I'm wide awake replaying my last months in my mind. I sometimes cannot believe some of what has happened when I think it, so I realize I need to get up and get some time with Jesus.

Sunday Jason announced that at the end of March we will be leaving a place we have served, loved, prayed for and hurt with for the past 7 years. It's hard to comprehend leaving, so I try not to think too often upon it. I know it's in God's good plan, but I struggle with seeing the goodness in it. Here are the places that comforted me this morning.

Jeremiah 32:
They shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.

And Psalm37... Loved the entire thing, but will give you the highlights

Fret not yourself because of evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

Jeremiah Love

The book of Jeremiah has been such an encouragment and comfort to me. I'm not really sure what drew me to it, but I think it may have been the Holy Spirit. It has been sad with me and offered me much needed promises. Someone recently told me Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet and that he did not see one turned heart in the entirety of his ministry. Bless him.

Jeremiah 31:31-34
"Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the housse of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the Lord. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their god, and they shall be my people. and no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and ech his brother saying, 'know the Lord, for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

Grace

There will be the grace for even this... I hear myself saying that often. I hear myself thinking it. I look into the eyes of a hurting friend and say it. Grace, that thing which I cannot comprehend, but I know I need in spades.

Hard things are just that, hard. The life of the believer is not filled with promises of happiness. I remember one sermon years ago quoting Bob Dylan. The interviewer asked Bob, are you happy? His response went something like this, "that's stupid yuppy talk." I know I totally hacked the quote, but I love the truth in it. Happiness is not the goal of the believer. The Westminster Confession puts it best. The chief end of man is to love God and enjoy Him forever.

Love and enjoy are extremely pleasant words. I do not believe that the choice to love and enjoy the Lord always equals happiness in this world. Moments of happiness and victory, no doubt, but it's also having the strenth to find the grace to do hard things.

These next months for our family will include hard things for myself, my guy and my children. He didn't promise it wouldn't hurt and be confusing and painful, but He has promised to be right there with me as I face them with His strength.

Sometimes I look at someone who has suffered greatly and have a longing to know the things of Jesus they know from their struggle. Sometimes I see a loved one suffer and I think, "please, no Jesus, don't make me learn that." But it's not my choice is it? I get to live in submission to the plan that has been laid out for me before the beginning of time. It's a good plan, it's my plan, and it's authored by a Father that has good things in mind. May I seek the lesson in the suffering, find the joy in knowing Him, and rest in His will.

Undeserving

1 Peter 2:2-25
He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

I have something in common with the Pioneer Woman, we both love to smell the heads of our children. I must confess, church today was an hour of smelling the top of my sons head. I worshiped the Lord this morning with my son on my lap, smelling his head and feeling full of gratitude for all Jesus has done for me. Week upon week He gives me the grace to do hard things. And to do hard things and feel grateful at the same time is simply a gift I cannot comprehend.

He will soon be too old for my lap, and his head won't always smell like baby shampoo, but today he's on my lap smelling like boy. He still has bracelets on his wrists from his last remaining baby chub, but I think it won't last until spring. He loves fiercely and is extremely loyal. Last night when praying with the kids about a future move, his sentimental heart broke for the love of a friend he doesn't want to leave behind. I know he will be okay, because today, I know I serve a God who gave it all up for me.

During communion, Jason and I always explain to our children what we are doing. Today it seemed that Lake was really interested in understanding. I explained the bread, and my own struggle with sin. How He reminds us of what He did to save us. I turned to Lake, and told him, "Lake, guess who Jesus was thinking about up on that cross?" He said, "I don't know mommy." "You, you son." I had to close my eyes to keep from crying.

So maybe I didn't hear the sermon, but I know what gratitude and love smell like. I know a little boy whose heart is a little nearer today. As is mine...

Very undeserving of the grace placed on me this day...